Some Truths About Divorce

Now I'm by no means an expert on this subject, but as I am currently experiencing it, I do want to share some of what happens behind the scenes of one of life's most complicated experiences. All "you's" are general.

"Divorce should never be an option. It's not what God wants." There are a myriad of legitimate reasons that marriages fail. Reasons that have nothing to do with loss of love, interest, or effort. The God I know is loving, and will forgive me my faults, including this. God knows me and my marriage much better than you ever could hope to understand. So kindly, go piss up your self righteous flagpole. 

"At least you were only married for a few years." So? The divorce process is still the exact same. I was just as invested in making my marriage work as a couple married for twenty years. A marriage is a marriage is a marriage. Period. In my opinion, duration of time does not lessen or increase the loss of love. No one would say this to a widow who hadn't been married long, so I don't understand why divorce is treated any differently.

"Divorce is the easy way out." It absolutely BOILS my fucking BLOOD to hear/read this. The best part is that it always comes from people who have never experienced a divorce. What part of a divorce do they imagine is so easy? The part where your marriage becomes a long term, unlivable hell? The part where you have to move out of your home and leave everything comforting you know behind? The part where you have to surrender all your hopes and dreams for the relationship to the mercy of the unknown? The part where you have to unplan your entire life and start over? Maybe I'm not doing my divorce correctly, PLEASE tell me which of those things is so easy.

"At least you didn't have any children." This is my absolute favorite. No, I don't have to put on a brave face for anyone. I can cry at my own will, and be a selfish slave to my own roller coaster of emotions. I don't have to curb what I say about my ex in front of anyone, or pretend to not to want to throw the phone every time we have to talk to discuss some technicality or another. No, I will not have to maintain contact with him after the divorce is finalized. But that does not change how I'm feeling. That doesn't keep the waves of pain so intense that I could die of respiratory failure at bay. That doesn't change anything for me, so please stop telling me that.