My staple guide to wardrobes; especially for those without mirrors in the morning:
1. Jeans- don't have to actually fit. As long as they cling to you seductively, so tightly that you can see your panty seams, that's good enough. And that poochy bit squeezed out over the top of the jeans- no one even notices. So long as you achieve that hourglass look somehow, that's all that matters.
2. Shirts- should outline every little detail of what's under it, including every little roll, wrinkle, and piece of overflowing boobage. Wear it especially if it rides up over your hips, exposing just a bit of midriff.
3. Shorts- Make sure they offer as little coverage as possible. Maximum booty exposure is the name of the game. God knows my life is not complete if I don't get a class-A look a your class-A(ss).
4. Sweats- DO NOT wear them. Comfort has absolutely no value in today's fashion world. Who cares if you feel so comfy, you just want to curl up on the nearest couch and fall asleep in the middle of the day? They don't look nearly as awesome as tight cropped jeans, so don't even pretend.
5. Cover-alls will NEVER go out of style, especially denim ones.
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